


Memories That Haunt Us

by Bremol



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-15
Updated: 2011-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-20 10:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bremol/pseuds/Bremol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A memory from Kathryn's past haunts her and makes her miserable around the Christmas holiday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories That Haunt Us

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for a Secret Santa exchange.
> 
> Part of the story that Kathryn tells Chakotay is based loosely on the real life happenings of the teacher I had in high school. I didn’t set out to use that, but as stories sometimes do, this one wrote itself and Kathryn’s story became the catalyst I needed to fulfill part of the request.
> 
> This was the request:
> 
> A J/C story - I'd prefer it if they weren't with anyone else during the story, and no babyfic. Other than that, anything goes - I'm a sucker for angst and/or hurt/comfort, as long as there's a happy ending.
> 
> This story also disregards certain aspects of Kathryn’s back-story.

Chakotay watched Kathryn as she once again introduced herself to the newest alien race to cross their path.  Her usual gusto wasn’t there, and he wondered what was bothering her.  It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed a change in her attitude, something he was sure no one other than Tom Paris had noticed.

Turning his attention to the pilot, Chakotay knew the man was watching Kathryn out of the corner of his eye.  Somehow the man knew what was wrong with Kathryn.  That thought made Chakotay turn his attention back to the woman currently negotiating with the strange alien on the view screen.  If Tom Paris knew what was going on with their captain, it had to be something to do with her past, when the Janeway and Paris families were close.

“Mr. Paris, you should be receiving coordinates from our hosts.”

“Aye, Captain.  Received and entered.  Ready on your command.”

Kathryn nodded then returned to her seat and raised an eyebrow at Chakotay.  “You’re staring, Commander.  Is something wrong?”

Chakotay shook himself.  “That’s what I’ve been wondering,”  he whispered.

Staring at him in confusion, Kathryn sighed.  “Chakotay, what are you talking about?”

“Something is bothering you.  You aren’t your normal self.”

“Commander, there is nothing wrong with me,”  she whispered then turned her attention to the view screen and the planet they were approaching.

“It’s beautiful.”  Harry commented as he zoomed in on their target.

“Yes, it is, Mr. Kim.”  Kathryn agreed.  “Reminds me of Earth.”

“Yes, Captain.”  Harry acknowledged with a note a nostalgia in his voice.  “Do you really think they’re as nice as they seem?”

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know, Harry.  I hope so.  It would be nice for the crew to have some shore leave.”

“Especially so close to Christmas.”  Tom commented as he turned around to look at her.

Kathryn held the pilot’s gaze.  “Indeed, Mr. Paris.”

Chakotay frowned.  _Why was she sounding like Tuvok?_

Behind him, Tuvok raised an eyebrow at the way Kathryn replied to Tom’s comment.  Maybe he should request a meeting with her.  When she started sounding like a Vulcan, it could logically be deduced that there was something wrong.

 

~*~

 

“Why do you want to know, Commander?”  Tom studied the man who grudgingly accepted him.  “Why should I tell you?”

“Because I’m her First Officer, Mr. Paris.  It is my duty to ensure the Captain’s well being.”

Tom rolled his eyes.  “Not good enough.  Tuvok and I can handle this.”

Chakotay ground his teeth.  “Tom, I care about her as…a friend.  I want to help her if I can.”

“Better.”  Tom smirked.  “Finally you’re telling me the truth.”

“Mr. Paris.”  Chakotay warned.

“Alright.”  Tom turned serious.  “It’s because it’s nearly Christmas.”

“I don’t understand.  She’s never acted strangely around Christmas before.”

“You didn’t know her as well as you do now.”  The young man sighed and slumped in his chair.  “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“Telling me what?”  Chakotay demanded, getting frustrated with the lack of information from the Lieutenant.

“Damn it.  I’m not going to tell you.  Katie has to tell you.”  Tom suddenly changed his mind.

“Katie?”

“Damn it, Chakotay, I’ve known her most of my life.  Give me a break.  She was Katie long before she was Captain.  When you’re a little boy of one, and just barely talking, Kathryn is a mouth full.”

Chakotay chuckled.  “Alright, I’ll give you that.  Now what’s going on with Kathryn?”

“I meant what I said.  Katie has to tell you, but you’re going to have to be patient with her.  This is something that she pushes to the back of her mind to protect herself from it.  Even Tuvok, her oldest and closest friend, doesn’t know.  Well, he might, but not because she told him.  I only know because our families were so close.”

“How am I supposed to get her to tell me?”

“I’ve seen you with her, Commander.  If you’re patient and careful with her, she’ll tell you.  Maybe once she does, it will help her enjoy the holidays again.”

Chakotay frowned.  “She doesn’t like Christmas?  But she’s always…”

“She’s the captain.”

“Yeah.”

 

~*~

 

Kathryn sighed as she stared out the window of her suite on the planet known as Invernessee, its people the Invernez.  She’d not been able to hide her smile at Tom’s comment that it sounded a lot like a city in Scotland who had a mayor in its history that swore he’d seen Nessie, the mythical Loch Ness Monster.  She’d even laughed outright when they’d learned that this planet not only had a monster of its own, but that the monster was revered and protected.

But that mirth hadn’t lasted long.

She was soon reminded that it was Christmas time, a time of year that she hated.  She knew that Chakotay had figured out that something was bothering her, and she knew that he had cornered Tom.  She also knew that she could trust Tom not to tell, to let her be the one to choose if her First Officer should be told the truth about what was going on.

Tom had done his best to encourage her to talk to Chakotay because he cared, something that she knew already, but she just didn’t think she could bring herself to tell him.  She hadn’t been able to tell Tuvok, he’d had to mind meld with her to learn the truth, and she’d known him since her three years after the Academy.  So how did Tom expect her to tell a man she’d only known for three years?

Sitting down on the window seat, she leaned against the cool pain of glass and watched as the two suns of Ivernessee began their slow decent.  The beauty of the sunset wasn’t lost on her, and she slowly relaxed as the colors became vivid across the sky in one of the most beautiful sunsets she’d ever seen.

“It is beautiful.”  A low voice behind her commented.

Kathryn closed her eyes, not really surprised that Chakotay had found his way into her suite.  Choosing not to acknowledge his presence, knowing that he’d let her know exactly what he wanted, she continued to stare at the sunset. 

“Tell me what’s bothering you, Kathryn.”  His voice was still low and gentle.  “I’m not asking as your First Officer, I’m asking as a friend.  I am your friend, Kathryn.  At least I was on New Earth.”

Kathryn closed her eyes against the tears that threatened at the mention of New Earth.  “I can’t, Chakotay.”  She whispered.

“You need to talk about whatever it is.”

“I couldn’t even tell Tuvok without a mind meld, how do you expect me to tell you?”

“A vision quest?”

This got Kathryn’s attention and she finally turned to look at her visitor.  “I would still have to tell you.  I don’t want to relive it, Chakotay.”

“Just talk to your guide.  If your guide can’t help you, then I won’t press anymore.”

“I don’t have my medicine bundle.”

“I have mine.”  He lifted the object up so that she could see it.  “I thought we might need it.”

“My ever ready First Officer.”

Chakotay smiled, showing his dimples.  “That’s me.”

Kathryn watched as he sat down at the low coffee table and began to spread out his bundle, preparing for her vision quest.  Maybe a vision quest _would_ help her.  If not to tell Chakotay, than to get through the holidays.

Chakotay smiled when she sat down across from him and held out his hands to her.  “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

 

~*~

 

“You can trust him.”

Kathryn stared at the lizard.  “I know that I can trust him, but I…”  her words trailed off.

“You’re afraid to let him see you that weak.”

“What will he think of me?  If I tell him, he’ll hate me as I’ve always hated myself.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”  The lizard’s red tongue flitted out against Kathryn’s hand.  “No one ever blamed you but you yourself.”

“It _was_ my fault.”  Kathryn whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.  “I shouldn’t have left so early.  If I hadn’t,”  she couldn’t go on.  “I don’t want to think about this.”

“You must think about it if you are ever to be able to get over what happened.”

“Get over?  Get over?  I’ll never get over losing him.  Never!”

“Kathryn!  Kathryn!”  Chakotay shouted as he moved around to her side of the table.  Shaking her shoulders as she continued to scream, he pulled her to him and held her when she finally stopped and gulped for air.

“Let me go.  Please, just let me go.”  She begged.

Cradling her head in his hand, Chakotay held her tighter.  “No.  You have to tell me.  Whatever is wrong, it’s eating you up inside.”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Who were you talking about?  Your father?”  He felt her tremble.

“No.”  She shook her head. 

“Then who, Kathryn?  Who did you lose that is hurting you this badly?”  Tilting his head down, he whispered in her ear, “Take it one step at a time.  I’m here as long as it takes.”

Realizing the man was not going to go, Kathryn relaxed a bit against him as she gave in.  She shivered as the memories flooded through the barriers she’d set up to keep it all at bay.  “My brother,”  she whispered.

Chakotay blinked in surprise.  _Brother?  She has a brother?_   “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“I don’t, not anymore.”  Her voice trembled.  “He was only three, Chakotay, and all he wanted to do was spend time with his Ka’ie.”

Gently lifting her and sitting down on the sofa, he pulled her close once again.  “Start at the beginning.”

“The beginning was my first year at the Academy.  Mother called me to tell me some startling news.  When she told me, I laughed and told her it was a nice April fool’s joke, but that she’d missed the day by a week.  She tried to tell me she wasn’t joking, but since I couldn’t see her due to a technical glitch with the comm. system, I wouldn’t believe her.”

“And why would you have needed to see her to believe her?”

“Because she was telling me she was pregnant.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.  I was seventeen years old, an only child, and my mother was calling to tell me she was pregnant.  Wouldn’t _you_ have thought she was joking?”

Chakotay chuckled.  “Yes, I suppose I would have.”

“She even had Father talk to me at the Academy.  Called me into his office.  Everyone thought the Admiral’s daughter was in trouble.  I wasn’t very happy with him, and that only got worse when I learned why he’d called me to his office.”

Chakotay couldn’t help but chuckle again.  “I’m sure you had steam coming out your ears.”

“Just about.  Father tried and tried to convince me, but I still wasn’t buying it.”

“So how did they convince you?”

“I saw Mother.”

“Seeing is believing.”

“Oh yeah.”  She sighed.  “Anyway, when he was born, I fell in love with him.  I found myself spending more and more of my weekends at home in Indiana instead of in San Francisco as I had been.”

Holding her tighter, Chakotay took a deep breath.  “What happened to him?”

“I was home for Winter Break my last year at the Academy.  Sammy had spent most of the week I’d been home attached to me.  I took him nearly everywhere I went, we had so much fun, but I got a call from a Professor that wanted to know if I wanted to join him on a short two day mission to study a nebula.  Since I was going to be leaving the next day anyway, to attend the annual Academy Holiday Party, I decided to accept.”  Her hand fisted in his shirt.  “He cried and begged his Ka’ie to stay.  _I want my Ka’ie!  I want my Ka’ie!_ ”  her voice shook.  “I can still hear him crying and reaching for me as I transported out.  He…”

“Easy, Kathryn.”  Chakotay gently soothed.

“He ran away from the babysitter.  She only turned her back for a moment, thought he was asleep, but when she turned back around, Sammy was gone.  They,”  she stopped and buried her face against his chest then continued in gasping gulps of air.  “They found him two days later at the bottom of the spring that runs through my parent’s property.”

“Oh god, Kathryn.”  Chakotay held her close, his own heart breaking with hers as she sobbed against him.

“If I hadn’t left.  If I’d just stayed with him, he wouldn’t have run away.  He drowned trying to find his Ka’ie.  They said he had the teddy bear I’d given him with him when they found him.”  Her voice faltered as the sobs overtook her once more and she paused for a long moments before continuing.

“I couldn’t face my parents a long time after that.  I avoided my father at the Academy, and never took or returned my mother’s comm. messages.  I focused solely on my studies.  The friends I’d had, I no longer spent time with and so eventually lost.  When Justin came into my life, he had to work extra hard to get me to even pay attention to him.  I wanted nothing to do with him and he wanted everything to do with me.  Everyone at the Academy knew about Sammy, so he had heard all the gossip about it, some of which wasn’t the nicest, even if it was the truth.”  She relaxed slightly under his gentle soothing up and down caress of her back. 

“I fell in love with him without even knowing it was happening.  He helped me so much, although I still shut everyone out at Christmas time.  I wanted nothing to do with the holidays, and couldn’t understand how my parents could still celebrate when their baby had been lost only three days before Christmas.”  She finished her story, her hands still fisted in his shirt.

“I wish I had the words to take the memories away, but I don’t.  All I can do is tell you that your little brother wouldn’t want his Ka’ie so unhappy or blaming herself.”  Placing a tender kiss to the top of her head, Chakotay felt the warmth of tears on his cheeks.  “No wonder Tom’s been so protective of you lately.”

“Tom tried to help the best he could.  He was the only person I didn’t turn away.”  She shrugged.  “I don’t really know why.  Maybe it was more that I tried and he just wouldn’t go away so I gave up.”

Chakotay laughed.  “I’d say that was it.  He’s like a bad penny.”

“Yeah.”  Kathryn sighed, realizing that they both knew that expression because of Tom Paris.  “He’s done his best since we’ve been out here to keep me from getting overly depressed this time of year.  It just wasn’t working very well this year.”

“From your records, I know how old you are.  From what you’ve just told me, it’s been twenty years since you lost your brother.”  Chakotay guessed that was the reason she was having such a hard time.

“Yes.”  She nodded.

“You’ve held this inside for that long?”

“I learned how to push it away and until we were stranded out here, I was able to go off on my own during the holidays.  I can’t exactly do that now days.”

“You don’t need to anymore.”

“I’m not strong enough to keep up the pretense, Chakotay.”

“Do another vision quest, Kathryn.”  He smiled down at her when she turned her tear streaked face up to him.  “I think you might have a special visitor.”

Kathryn frowned but shrugged her shoulders, trusting her friend completely.  He did after all know more about vision quests than she did.

 

~*~

 

“Katie.”  The unfamiliar voice called as she opened her eyes.

Kathryn looked around the familiar fields of her Indiana home.  Studying the figure approaching her, she felt a lump growing in her throat.  “Sammy?”  she whispered.

“Yes, Ka’ie.”  He slipped back to the childish pronunciation of her name.  Holding out his arms, he waited for her to make up her mind if she believed him.

“It’s really you.”  Kathryn was amazed as she walked into the embrace, her own arms wrapping tightly around the tall young man’s chest.  “I’m so sorry, Sammy.  I shouldn’t have left you that day.”

“Shh.  It wasn’t your fault, Katie.  I’ve never blamed you.  All these years you’ve kept me locked away, I wanted so badly to tell you that.  I loved, and still love, you.  It’s time to forgive yourself and be happy.  Remember the happy things about our three years together.”  He smiled.  “Remember how I picked you as my first victim after I gained my first teeth.”

Kathryn laughed even as tears streamed down her face.  “Oh Sammy,”  she sighed.  “I suppose I should call you Samuel now instead of Sammy.”

But the young man shook his head.

“No.  I’ll always be Sammy.  I must go now, my beloved Ka’ie.  But remember, whenever you need me, I’ll be here.  Always.  Now go and enjoy Christmas with your crew and friends.  There’s a man waiting that’s in love with you.”

Kathryn’s eyes slowly fluttered open and she wrapped her arms around Chakotay’s neck.  “He was there.  You were right.”

Chakotay pushed her back and studied her face.  “I can see that you’ve accepted that it wasn’t your fault.”

“Mmm.”  She nodded.  “Seeing him, and hearing him tell me he never blamed me, made me realize that he loved me too much for that, and that by hiding his memories away, I was dishonoring him.”

Wiping at her tears, Chakotay cupped her face in his hands.  “Will you celebrate Christmas with us this year?  Really celebrate?”

“He told me to, and I will.”  She looked down.  “He told me something else.”

Studying her, his head tilted to the side, Chakotay wondered at the change in mood.  “He did?”

“Yes.  Something about you.”

“Oh?  And what was it?”

Looking back up at him, she lifted a hand to cup his cheek.  “He told me that there was a man waiting, a man that’s in love with me.”

“Your brother is correct.”

“You love me?”

“You know that I do.”

“But I thought it was just as a friend.”

“No.”  He shook his head.  “I thought that would have been clear after New Earth.  I loved you first as a friend and now I’m _in_ love with you.  The question is, how does that make you feel?”

Smiling, truly smiling, for what seemed like the first time in years, Kathryn leaned her forehead against his.  “It makes me feel scared, wonderful, giddy, so many things.  I love you, Chakotay, as more than just a friend.”

Tracing her lips with his thumb, Chakotay stared into the blue eyes that had often haunted his dreams.  “The memories that haunt us can tear us apart if we let them, or they can bring us together.  I chose to believe they’ll bring us even closer.”

“I want this to work, Chakotay, even though I’m afraid.  I tend to lose people that I let get very close to me.”

“You haven’t lost your mother or Tuvok.”

“I was never terribly close to my mother, and Tuvok’s a Vulcan.  They’re hard to lose, whether you want to or not.  And I certainly don’t want to.”

Chakotay laughed and kissed her nose.  “May I stay here with you?  Just to hold you.  I want to wake up on Christmas morning with my present in my arms.”

“Present?”  she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.  You, my love.”  He answered, his dimples winking at her.

“Oh Chakotay.”

 

~*~

 

“Isn’t it beautiful?”  Kathryn asked as she stared up at the tallest Christmas tree she’d ever seen.  She wasn’t sure how they’d managed since she hadn’t seen any type of tree that even remotely came close to Earth’s cedar or pine trees.

“I believe Tom had a little to do with it.”  Chakotay whispered. 

“Tom?  How in the world?”

“The Ivernez have a type of replicator.  It’s more sophisticated than ours, but when Tom found out, he asked if they could replicate this tree and the decorations.  I believe our pilot knew you’d be celebrating Christmas happily this year and wanted to make it special.”

“I’ll have to remember to thank him.  He really has been good to me.”

“I’m just sorry I didn’t realize earlier how upset you got around this time of year.”

“It’s alright.  You didn’t know me all that well.  Believe me, Tuvok never suspected it was anything more than just missing Earth, and he’s known me a lot longer than you have.”

“How did he react after the mind meld?”

“This is Tuvok we’re talking about.”  She reminded.

“With a raised eyebrow.”  He answered his own question.

“Yes.  I suspect he already knew about Sammy or had at least heard the gossip, but I don’t think it ever crossed his mind that I was blaming myself.”

“But you aren’t doing that anymore.”

“No,”  she agreed as she shook her head.  “I know that the what ifs were only hurting me and keeping me from remembering Sammy as he should be remembered.”

“Tell me about him.”

Her face took on a soft look as she stared into her past.  “He had grey eyes, like Mother’s, and looked just like Father.  Father always laughed and said we were all mixed up because I look just like Mother but have Father’s eyes.”

“The perfect mix.”

“So sweet.”  Kathryn smiled up at him and leaned into the hand cupping her cheek.  “I think our crew is watching us.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No.  You?”

“No.”

“Good.  Dance with me?”

“I’d be honored and you can tell me more about Sammy while we dance.”

“I’d love to.”

 

~*~

 

“I believe you called me your present.”  Kathryn whispered as she walked up behind Chakotay.

“I di…”  he started but stopped when he caught sight of her.  “Sweet Spirits.”

Kathryn laughed low in her throat at the utter surprise on her First Officer’s face.  She’d never seen him quite so shocked before, and it felt good to know that she was the one who had put that look on his face.  It had been so long since she’d been with a man, that she’d been afraid she wouldn’t still have the ability to render Chakotay speechless. 

She’d been wrong.

Chakotay stared at the beautiful woman standing in front of him in nothing but a big red ribbon tied in a bow over her breasts, the ends hanging down to hide the apex of her thighs.  In all the dreams and fantasies he’d had about her, none of them came even remotely close to the reality.  Her breasts were larger than they had been the last time he’d seen them accentuated in clothing other than her uniform which had always hid her figure and the sight of their fullness swelling out over the top of the bow made his mouth water.

Kathryn watched with an amused smile as Chakotay’s eyes raked over her figure, a figure that he hadn’t seen in a while.  Since she’d always hated her small breasts, she’d asked the doctor to enhance them when she’d made up her mind to present herself as a present.  Thankfully she didn’t have to explain why she wanted the enhancement done, and so she hadn’t been more embarrassed than she already was.

“Aren’t you going to unwrap me?”  she asked as she held up one of the ribbon ends.  “All you have to do is pull.”

“Pull.”  Chakotay echoed dumbly, still unable to look away from how the ribbon hid just the right parts of her, leaving the rest for his hungry eyes to feast on.

Kathryn couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from deep inside.  “Chakotay, you’re drooling.”

Shaking his head, Chakotay wiped his chin then grinned sheepishly at her.  “I can’t help it.  You’re breathtaking, and completely mind numbing.”  His voice was low as he moved closer to her, taking the ribbon end that she held in her hand.  “You say all I have to do is pull?”

“Uh huh.”  She nodded, her body trembling with anticipation.

With a grin that showed his dimples, Chakotay pulled and watched in hungry fascination as the ribbon fell away revealing dusky nipples, taut from the cool air hitting them and the arousal he knew she felt.  Moving his gaze lower, he swallowed.  Nothing but smooth, bare flesh.  Stepping even closer, he held her gaze as his hand moved to a breast, kneading it and tweaking the nipple before moving over her ribs to cup her, his long fingers slowly sliding against her silken, wet flesh causing her to gasp and spread her legs further apart.

“Chakotay,”  she breathed as she gripped his shoulders.

“I’ve waited so long for this moment, I intend to savor it,”  he whispered as he wrapped an arm around her waist to help steady her.  Slipping his middle finger between her folds, he gently probed inside her, his eyes never leaving her face, watching with a smile as the pink flush moved up from her neck to her face.  Expertly working her as if he’d done it a thousand times before, he continued watching in fascination as all Kathryn’s control fled and she began to grind against him, urging him to give her the release her body was craving.

“Please, Chakotay,”  she begged.

“Please, what, Kathryn?”

Opening her eyes, she stared at him.  “Make me come.”

Smiling, he nodded and granted her wish.  Placing his thumb over just the right spot, he pressed, moving in circles and watched as she came undone, her back arching as she screamed her release, the sound echoing in the stillness around them.

 

~*~

 

Hours or days later, Kathryn wasn’t sure which, she slowly opened her eyes, her sweat slick body resting on top of Chakotay.  Smiling at the memory of how he’d made love to her oh so slowly, she pressed a kiss to his chest, his, “Good morning,” rumbling in her ear.

“Is it?”  she asked, looking at the clock.  “So it is,”  was the answer she gave to her own question.

Chakotay couldn’t help but chuckle.  “You doubted me?”

Pinching his arm, Kathryn propped herself up on her elbows.  “Did we really spend the night like this?”

Lifting a hand to caress her face, he stared deep into her eyes.  “Yes, Katie, we spent the night just like this.”

A tear rolled down her cheek.  The way he said her name, a name that she’d hated ever since losing her beloved little brother, made her heart swell with even greater love for the man currently staring at her with so much adoration it nearly blinded her.  “Thank you.”

“No need to cry or thank me.  I know now why you always grimaced when you heard that name.  I just assumed you didn’t like being called that because you hated the nickname; I didn’t realize that it made you remember your brother.”

“Tom even stopped calling me that.”  She laughed.  “He never could get Kathryn out when he was little.”

“That’s what he told me when I questioned him after he called you Katie.  He told me Kathryn was a mouthful for a little boy barely able to talk.”

She nodded and laid her head back against his chest.  “He was jealous of Sammy for a long time.”

“Why?”  Chakotay asked as he played with her hair.

“Because I spent all my time with Sammy instead of Tommy.”

“Ah.  He had a crush.”

“Always,”  she sighed.  “But it was more than that.  I was the only one that would pay attention to him and not expect the world from a small boy who only wanted to be a sailor.”

“Tell me more about Sammy.”

She grasped his hand, lacing her fingers with his.  “He was such a bright little baby.  He started walking when he was only eight months old.  When he was two, he sat and solved an old twentieth century puzzle Tom had given him called a _Rubik’s Cube_.”

“Ah, I know what that is.  Tom has one.  He was always fiddling with it when he was with my Maquis cell.”

“Yes,”  she nodded.  “I made sure he got the one he’d given Sammy.”

“That’s why it meant so much to him.”

“I suppose.”

“So Sammy solved it?  That thing looked complicated.”

“It was complicated.  I couldn’t even solve the stupid thing, but little Sammy did.  I can still hear him, when he came running to me with it held in both his hands.  _I did it, Ka’ie.  See?  See?_ ”

Chakotay felt the warm tears on his chest.  “Let it out, Kathryn.  Let it out.  Cry for him.  I’m here.  I’ll always be here.”

“I love you, Chakotay.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.  “I believe you proved that to me several times last night.  I love you, too.”

Raising up and looking down at him, her tears still rolling down her cheeks, she cupped his cheek with her hand.  “Show me again.”

“And again, and again.”  He whispered as he rolled them over and began to show her just how much love he had.


End file.
